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baby book, mom guilt

a story from Heather

I married really young and we waited quite awhile to start a family of our own. 6 years to be specific. In Utah this is not the norm. We were in the thick in work and college, and honestly it just didn’t feel like the timing was right. I really wanted to be in a position where I could be at home to care for my babies when I had them. Because of my husbands medical history, we didn’t even know for sure if we could have a traditional family but I always felt at peace with the idea of waiting it out. 

Once the girls came into our lives, I was completely immersed in motherhood. It consumed all of my energy and time in the very best way. I didn’t miss one milestone with my first and I documented everything! I literally ran out of space in her baby book to write down memories. She was my priority, joy and focus. I wanted so badly to be a great mother. Chad was naturally a fantastic first time father. I loved watching him learn and grow into that roll with Gabbie! 

It was quite an adjustment going from 1 to 2 kiddos with Macie. I remember feeling short handed often. Allotting quality time to each of the girls was not easy. That being said I throughly enjoyed having two daughters and I felt very fulfilled. I grew a lot as a person as I managed two kiddos full time. Chad was a rock star and did great at juggling work, family responsibilities, and church callings. One thing I’ve always admired about him is his ability to be present with the girls and enjoy all of the moments. 

I did a descent job at tracking Macies firsts and milestones, but finding the time to write things down became more and more difficult! I would go weeks and months between writing, as opposed to the days or weeks with Gabbie. I started to feel bad about it. Like somehow I wasn’t documenting her life well enough!  I understand now how completely silly that is. It was an expectation I had put on myself without even realizing it!  I have always enjoyed taking photos of my girls, especially once I had a good phone camera. Thankfully I have so many memories preserved that way of Macie. 

Sofie does have a baby book!! But it’s contents are really, really sparse. I’m finally at peace with it! Almost 13 years after having my first kiddo, I’ve realized that it’s completely ok that her book is this way! Instead, I choose to focus on the fact that Sofie’s baby book is empty because life is different now. And besides, I have documented Sofie’s life in an entirely different way! I started using Instagram when she was a newborn. I have more video clips of Sof with my older girls than I do of either of the older girls. Sofie enjoys a house full of toys, clothes, dress ups and books that her sisters never had. 

How many times do we put un necessary pressure on ourselves as mothers over things that do not matter in the grand scheme of things! Whether it’s the baby books, the nap schedule, the room decor, the food we prepare for them, the parties we throw, the photo shoots, the clothing they wear, the preschool they attend, the list is endless!!! 

What I’ve realized and what I’m trying to convey is that Sofie has a different mother than Gabbie did and BOTH mothers are equally wonderful! Sofie gets a better chef and playmate! A more experienced parent and problem solver. I’m so much better at prioritizing meaningful one on one time now. 

Ladies and parents, as long as you’re doing your best, loving the heck outta your kids and trying to improve on the things that truly do make a difference, that’s all that matters and you will be blessed.

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