and mom guilt
Sarge is 9 months old. He weaned himself from breast feeding the month before. I set farina with eggs and yogurt in front of him for breakfast and sit down with my own only to have mom guilt slam into me full force. I’m looking at his breakfast and realizing there are no veggies on his plate. Suddenly all I can think about is the fact that I’m obviously not feeding him enough veggies. He has been eating solid food for 5 ½ months and I can’t remember a single time when I have put a vegetable on his plate.
Mom Guilt. We love to pretend that is other mom’s that give us gilt and shame about our parenting, and for sure there are a few parents out there who do, but if we are being completely honest with ourselves, as parents, more of our guilt and shame is internally based than externally base.
Now back to my story. THREE DAYS LATER. I have been wresting with guilt, searching “Toddler meals with veggies” on Pinterest and Instagram in my spare time, and writing a list of veggies that can be eaten with only front teeth. Three days of feeling panicked and guilting. I don’t mention it to anyone because I’m worried that they are going to either judge me for not feeding my child healthy enough food (if anyone does that you don’t need them in your life anymore) or overwhelm me with suggestions that I don’t actually want to try because they take way too much work (#Everypinterest/Instagramtoddlermealever). I set dinner down for Sarge and start eating my soup when I hits me. We eat stone soup every day. We have eaten stone soup every day since he was 3 months old and first started eating foods. At this point Sarge eats it twice a day (it’s one of two things he will eat).
2 celery stalks
1 small onion
2 red bell peppers
1 large sweet potato
Add any root vegetable at will
1 can diced Italian tomatoes
2 tb dried basil
½ tb dried oregano
2-6 cups chicken broth
Dice/chop all the veggies. If you have time saute the carrots, celery, and onion first or just chop everything up, toss it in a pot, cover it in chicken broth and simmer/boil for 20 min (small dice) to 60 min (big chop). Either use a hand mixer, or put your soup in a blender and blend until smooth.
If you want to thicken it (so it sticks to kids spoons better) melt a ½ cup of butter in the bottom of a pan, add ½ cup flour once the butter is slightly brown. Mix and then scoop a ¼ cup of soup mixture over the butter flour mixture and mix. Continue adding ¼ of soup at a time until you get about 1/3 of the soup added and then mix everything together.
It’s also really good if you add heavy cream or parmesan cheese to it.
Ya’ll it’s almost entirely made up of vegetables. I panicked for three days about not feeding Sarge vegetables when that was essentially all he ate.
Mom guilt sucks. It hits about weird things at inconvenient times. Sometimes it is our own pride that creates the ground for guilt to grow and unfortunately sometimes it is the pride of others that damages our confidence. Find your people. The people that you can just say all to. Find your people that support you. Live in those relationships; express what you need from them so that they are healthy and mutually beneficial. The mom guilt will come, I have yet to find a way to stop it. I only know that guilt doesn’t live in a place that is supportive and open. The greatest tool guilt and shame have is convincing us that we are alone. Alone is where they thrive. Remove the isolation of guilt and shame; they cannot grab hold if you are not isolated.
We preach about needing to create a different culture for mothers and parents. Be that culture. Be open, be honest, let go of the pride that makes you show only your best self and find your own village.
May we each find our people and fill our village.